Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

[editor"s note: For those of you who don"t already know who the hell Cap"n Ken is or what the hell he does for a living, putting together where he is this week and the fact that he saw The Dan Band Monday night may help you compile some info. If you"re somewhat smart ...]

Those of you who are fans of the movie Old School may know about The Dan Band. They were the wedding band playing a very inappropriate version of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and later a rendition of Kenny Rogers” “Lady”.

And, it seems, “Dan” has decided he should try to parlay his movie success into a career as a novelty live act.

When I saw Old School, I was left wishing they”d included the entire Total Eclipse performance in the movie. And after seeing The Dan Band in person, I was left wishing Old School had included the entire Total Eclipse performance in the movie.

Simply put, The Dan Band is like the world”s most honed and prepared karaoke act. Stupid renditions of “Mickey”, “Nasty Boys”, etc., made me think that if I got TYB and TCL together and worked out a karaoke act, we could pull in some decent change as a value-add to local bar karaoke nights. Yes, it was that bad. And pathetic.

So pathetic, in fact, that I stuck around for only about 45 minutes despite free-flowing Jack Daniel”s (which bartenders here think is “bourbon”).

I like Peter Case”s blog, partly because I dig Peter Case and partly because he writes good and interesting stuff.

Peter Case, since you probably don”t know, was/is the driving force behind The Plimsouls (remember the movie Valley Girl? Punko Nick Case took the VG to a “punk” club - the band playing was The Plimsouls. And if that”s what makes you remember who they are, shame on you.)

Anyway, Peter wrote a small little bit on his blog about a show he just played, and some dude who was at the show commented back with a bunch of questions. Chief among them:

I noticed that your axe of choice was a Squier Black & Chrome Telecaster? Guitar snobs snort that you can”t gig with a Squier unless it”s been heavily modded. Is your Squier stock?

Most of you doubtless also don”t know that Squier is the low-end, cheap version of Fender guitars. The Cap”n rocks a Squier Tele, for instance, mostly because The Cap”n does not rock hard enough to justify buying a real American Fender.

So it”s actually a good question as to why an American Rock Legend such as Peter Case would rock a Squier.

Peter”s response was pretty simple:

That guitar is stock, right off the rack…its all in the fingers, Skully…the price is right on those things : I”m not paying 6000 bucks , you know what I mean? Its the telecaster twang, spank, whatever you call it…

Part of me likes that P.C. is comfortable stepping on stage with the gear of the common man. And you have to take it as an endorsement of the sound quality of Squier (Fender, of course, would never want to have a rock star saying he can get away with the cheap version).

But on the other hand, aren”t rock guys supposed to get free gear and stuff? I know P.C. is no Carlos Santana, but wouldn”t Guitar Center or somebody hook him up in exchange for a sticker on his amp or something?

After a few months of work, I”ve managed to finally fill up my 40GB iPod. That little puppy is chock-full-o- music now so, in the spirit of full disclosure, I give you the rundown of artists in The Cap”n”s iPod.

I dare you - DARE you - to take issue with artists in my iPod. In most instances, these artists are in the iPod completely on their own merits, but in some instances they were included in a soundtrack or compilation deemed worthy by The Cap”n (which explains Billy Joel, among others). To assist you in formulating whatever weak argument you may want to make, here”s the complete rundown of every song on my iPod.

It should be noted that “full” on my 40GB iPod is 8,700 songs (me love high bitrates) and about 37.25GB. What”s in it now is a whittled-down set of selections (my whole library is about 44GB right now), so new stuff will eventually push some of these things off, and there is already a good bit of marginal stuff that”s been shoved aside. But this is a good start for a “full” list.

The artist list:

10,000 Maniacs | 13th Floor Elevators | 45″s | 6 String Drag | 8 Souvenirs | AC/DC | Adrian Belew | Al Green | Alice Cooper | Alice In Chains | Alison Krauss | Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch | Alison Krauss & Union Station And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead … | Anne McCue | Annie Lennox | Anthrax | Apples In Stereo | Aretha Franklin | Ataris | Average White Band | B.B. King | Bad Religion | Baracudas | Beck | Best Kissers In The World | Big Bad Voodoo Daddy | Bill Justis & His Orchestra | Bill Monroe | Billy “The Kid” Emerson | Billy Joel | Billy Riley And His Little Green Men | Bjork | Black Arabs | Black Flag | Black Rebel Motorcycle Club | Blacktop Rockets | Blondie | Bo Diddley | Bob Dylan | Bobby Darin | Bobbyteens | Bonnie Raitt | Boss Martians | Brian Eno | Brownsville Station | Buck Owens | Buddy Blue | Buddy Holly | Buddy Holly and the Hollies | Buddy Miller | Buffalo Tom | Bush | Buzzcocks | Cab Calloway | Caesars | Cake | Carl Mann | Carl Perkins | Carole King | Cat Stevens | Catfight | Catholic Girls | Cell | Chad & Jeremy | Changelings | Charlie Feathers | Charlie Rich | Cheap Trick | Chesterfield Kings | Choab | Chris Cornell | Chris Mars | Chris Thomas King | Chuck Berry | Circle Jerks | Cocktail Slippers | Commodores | Continentals | Count Basie & Tony Bennett | Counting Crows | Country Dick Montana | Cracker | Creation | Creatures of the Golden Dawn | Creedence Clearwater Revival | Crowded House | Dash Rip Rock | Dave Alvin | Dave Edmunds | David Allan Coe | David Bowie | Dead Kennedys | Dead Milkmen | Dean Martin | Debonaires | Dee Dee Ramone | Deftones | Delbert McClinton | Devo | Dexter Romweber | Dialogue | Dick Dale & The Del-Tones | Dinosaur Jr | Doctor Ross | Doug Poindexter | Drive-By Truckers | Drivin “N” Cryin | Dusty Springfield | Dwight Yoakam | Eddie And The Hot Rods | Eddie Cochran | Eisley | Electric Light Orchestra | Elliott Smith | Elvis Costello | Elvis Costello & Paul McCartney | Elvis Costello & The Attractions | Elvis Presley | Elvis Presley, Scotty And Bill | Emmylou Harris | Emmylou Harris, Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch | Eric Clapton | Etta James | Evan Dando | Everclear | Extreme | Faces | Faith Hill | Fastball | Fatboy Slim | Fats Domino | Film Dialogue | Fishbone | Five Eight | Five Tinos | Flat Duo Jets | Fleshtones | Foo Fighters | Frank Black | Frank Frost With The Night Hawks | Frankie Goes To Hollywood | Franz Ferdinand | Freddy and the Four Gone Conclusions | Galactic | Garbage | Garth Brooks | Gary Wright | Gas Huffer | George Jones | George Thorogood | Georgia Satellites | Giant Sand | Gin Blossoms | Girl Scout Heroin | Graeme Revell | Green Day | Guadalcanal Diary | Gumption | Guns N Roses | Hank Williams | Harmonica Frank Floyd | Harry McClintock | Hawaii Mud Bombers | Hayseed Dixie | Hekawis | High School Sweethearts | Hole | Hoodoo Gurus | Hot Hot Heat | Hot Snakes | House Of Pain | Howard Seratt | Howlin” Wolf | Husker Du | Iggy And The Stooges | Imagination Movers | Inner Thoughts | Insomniacs | INXS | Jackie Brenston | James Brown | James Carter & The Prisoners | James Cotton | James McMurtry | Janis Joplin | Jason & The Nashville Scorchers | Jason & The Scorchers | Jason Ringenberg | Jay-Z + DJ Danger Mouse | Jello Biafra and LifeAfter Life | Jerome Patrick Holan/Chuck Berry | Jerry Cantrell | Jerry Lee Lewis | Jerry Reed | Jerzimy | Jesse Dayton | JET | Jewel | Jimi Hendrix | Jimmie Dale Gilmore | Jimmie Vaughan | Jimmy & Walter | Jimmy Dean | Jimmy DeBerry | Joan Jett & The Blackhearts | Joe Ely | Joe Ely and Todd Snider | Joe Hill Louis | Joe Jackson | Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros | Joe Walsh | Joe, Marc”s Brother | Joey Altruda | Joey Ramone | John C. Reilly & Mark Wahlberg | John Doe | John Hartford | John Lennon | John Mellencamp | Johnny Cash | Johnny Cash & The Tennessee Two | Jon Wayne | Jones Brothers | Jonny Lang | Josie & The Pussycats | Joss Stone | Juliana Hatfield | Kaiser Chiefs | Kama Del Sutra | Kasabian | Kasey Chambers | Kelley Deal and Kris Kristofferson | Kenny Roby | Kevin Gordon | King Floyd | Kings Of Leon | Kiss | Ko and the Knockouts | Kool & The Gang | Kris Kristofferson | L7 and Waylon Jennings | Leftovers | Len | Lenny Kravitz | Les Hell on Heels | Less Than Zero | Let”s Active | Lit | Little Junior”s Blue Flames | Little Milton | Live | Liz Phair | LL Cool J | Lone Justice | Lords of the New Church | Loretta Lynn | Los Lobos | Los Straitjackets | Lost Soles | Lou Reed | Louis Jordan | Love Jones | Lucinda Williams | Madness | Madonna | Malcolm McLaren | Malcolm Yelvington & The Star Rhythm Boys | Malcom McLaren | Maria McKee | Mark Lanegan | Mark Mothersbaugh | Marty Robbins | Marty Stuart and Steve Earle | Marvin Gaye | Mary Chapin Carpenter and Kevin Montgomery | Matthew Sweet | MC5 | McFadden & Whitehead | Melanie | Melissa Etheridge & Joss Stone | Michael Penn | Michael Penn And Patrick Warren | Michelle Shocked | Midniters | Minus the Bear | Mitch Ryder | Modest Mouse | Mojo Nixon | Molly Hatchet | Mother Love Bone | Motorhead | Muddy Waters | Mudhoney | Murray Attaway | Nanci Griffith with The Crickets | Neko Case | Neko Case And Her Boyfriends | New Orleans Klezmer All Stars, The | Nick Lowe | Night Ranger | Nine Inch Nails | Nirvana | No Doubt | Norman Blake | Ognir & Nite People | Oingo Boingo | Old 97″s | Onie Wheeler | Orchestra | Other Half | P.J. Soles | Pagans | Parliament | Pat Benatar | Pat Hare | Patsy Cline | Paul McCartney | Paul McCartney & Wings | Paul Revere & the Raiders | Paul Simon | Paul Westerberg | Paybacks | Pearl Jam | Penetrators | Peter & Wolves | Peter Case | Pilgrimage | Pixies | Possum Dixon | Primus | Public Enemy | Public Image Ltd. | Queens Of The Stone Age | R.E.M. | Radio Birdman | Rage Against The Machine | Ralph Stanley | Ramones | Randy Newman | Rank & File | Ray Charles | Ray Smith | Red Hot Chili Peppers | Revels | Reverend Horton Heat | Richard Cheese | Ricky Nelson | Roamin” Togas | Rocket From The Crypt | Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers | Roger Miller | Ronnie Biggs | Rosco Gordon | Roy Orbison | Roy Orbison & The Roses | Roy Orbison And The Teen Kings | Rufus Thomas | Run-D.M.C. | Sahara Hotnights | Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs | Saxons | Scott Carpenter And The Real McCoys | Screaming Trees | Seek | Sex Pistols | Shadows of Knight | Shandi”s Addiction | Shazam | Sheryl Crow | Shooter Jennings | Shudder To Think | Shutdown 66 | Sid Vicious | Sigur Ros | Sir Mix-A-Lot | Sixpence None The Richer | Sleepy John Estes | Sloan | Small Faces | Smashing Pumpkins | Son Volt | Sonic Youth | Sonny Burgess | Soul Asylum | Soundgarden | Special AKA | Spinal Tap | Split Enz | Squeeze | Squirrel Nut Zippers | St.Johnny | Stan Ridgway | Steel Pole Bath Tub | Stems | Steve Earle | Steve Miller Band | Stevie Ray Vaughan | Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble | Stevie Wonder | Sting | Stone Temple Pilots | Stray Cats | Sugar | Supersuckers | Suzy Bogguss with Dave Edmunds | Sweatmaster | Syndicate of Sound | Tail Gators | Talismen | Talking Heads | Teenage Fanclub | Tegan and Sara | Television | Tenacious D | Tenderloin | Tenpole Tudor | that dog | The B-52″s | The Band And The Crickets | The Beach Boys | The Beastie Boys | The Beat Farmers | The Beatles | The Black Crowes | The Blasters | The Blues Brothers | The Bottle Rockets | The Brian Setzer Orchestra | The Byrds | The Cars | The Caulfields | The Centurians | The Chakachas | The Clash | The Cogburns | The Cox Family | The Cramps | The Damned | The Datsuns | The Del Fuegos | The Dick Nixons | The Dictators | The DitchDiggers | The Donnas | The Emotions | The Faces | The Fairfield Four | The Flairz | The Flatlanders | The Fleshtones | The Friggs | The Fuzztones | The Georgia Satellites | The Gotee Brothers | The Hives | The Jam | The Jayhawks | The Jazz Jury | The Jesters | The Jimi Hendrix Experience | The Juliana Hatfield Three | The Killers | The Kills | The Kinks | The Knack | The Lemonheads | The Libertines | The Lively Ones | The Lovemongers | The Mavericks | The Mighty Mighty Bosstones | The Miller Sisters | The Million Dollar Quartet | The Minus 5 | The Minutemen | The Mooney Suzuki | The Myrtles | The New York Dolls | The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band | The Offspring | The O”Jays | The Paley Brothers/Ramones | The Pandoras | The Peasall Sisters | The Penetrators | The Plimsouls | The Police | The Posies | The Presidents Of The United States Of America | The Pretenders | The Prisonaires | The Raveonettes | The Refreshments | The Replacements | The Residents | The Rolling Stones | The Romantics | The Sights | The Smiths | The Soggy Bottom Boys | The Southern Jubilees | The Specials | The Specials Featuring Rico | The Stains | The Stanley Brothers | The Statler Brothers | The Strokes | The Sundays | The Swingin” Neckbreakers | The The | The Tornados | The Union | The Velvet Underground | The Ventures | The Waterboys | The White Stripes | The Whites | The Who | The Woggles | They Might Be Giants | Tift Merritt | Time Zone | Tito And Tarantula | Toad The Wet Sprocket | Todd Rundgren | Tom Petty | Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers | Tone Loc | Tony Tidwell & Scalded Dogs | Tonya Watts | Tractors | Transvision Vamp | Trinket | Tubes | Two Dollar Pistols | U2 | Unit 4 + 2 | Urge Overkill | Vagantis | Van Morrison | Vanilla Ice | Vaudeville | Velvet Revolver | Veruca Salt | Victor Mecyssne | Victoria Williams | Violent Femmes | Wall Of Voodoo | Walter Egan | Wanda Jackson | War W/ Eric Burdon | Warren Smith | Waylon Jennings | Waylon Jennings with Mark Knopfler | Waylon Payne | Weezer | Wild Seeds | Willie Nelson | Willie Nix | Wyld | X | XTC | Yeah Yeah Yeahs | YOSHIKI | Young Fresh Fellows | Young Fresh Fellows Vs Minus 5 | Yoyo | Yves Montand | Zoot Sims | ZZ Top |

I”m starting a whirlwind tour of L.A. and Vegas this morning, so I”ll leave this piece fresh through the week so you call can examine this fine list at your leisure.

Again, I DARE you to find fault in any selection.

It”s interesting to me that once again I”m out in L.A. with an XM-equipped rental car (another Pontiac G6 - again, not bad for an American sedan, but why would anybody buy an American sedan?), but once again I chose to listen to local L.A. talk instead of tuning in to XM.

Of course, I”m a huge proponent of satellite radio, and I hate commercial music radio. But XM”s programming just sucks. How many ways can you slice “popular” music? XM”s damned determined to find out.

From what I can tell, there”s very little on XM that”s ever going to surprise you. The brilliance of Sirius is that they really explore formats (a very loose term there). Underground Garage has a focus - “garage rock” - but it”s not like all you hear are the icons (The Stooges, Mitch Ryder, The Ramones, etc.). UG”s mission is to bring you the new artists and the obscure artists that are part of the genre, are influenced by it and have reimagined it.

It”s exploration, not recitation. As I”ve said before, about 60% of what I hear on UG is stuff I”ve never heard before, and I like about 90% of this new stuff. The net result is that I not only hear music that I know and like, but I hear music that I don”t know - but because it”s a niche I like - that I also like.

It”s the same over at Outlaw Country. Very clear mission, great exploration of the genre.

But on XM, it seems they just slice the known (i.e. popular) tracks into more specific genres, but I”ve never been surprised by anything I”ve heard on XM.

This all means, of course, that XM will win and Sirius will ultimately go away. People are sheep, after all.

So commercial radio is all abuzz over Jack FM, which Wired says represents a rare bold idea in the horribly boring and useless commercial music radio industry.

What constitues a “bold idea” in this industry? Actually attempting to play a decent variety of music. Jack stations compare themselves to “an iPod on shuffle” as they toss out random songs that they apparently think will be interesting enough to people that they”d eschew their own iPods in favor of “Jack”s” superior playlist and commercials for car dealers and cellular telephone service [editor"s note: The Cap"n does not listen to commercial music radio, so he really doesn"t know what kind of commercials they play. In fact, commercial music radio may already be a fantastic wonderland of excellent music - but The Cap"n doubts that].

Even if “Jack” were to play tunes on par or better than the fabulous Underground Garage on my dear Sirius Satellite Radio, I”d not turn my back on Sirus to support an industry (commercial music radio) that was so abhorrent for so long that it became worthwhile for two companies to launch freaking satellites to give the listening public a better option.

It”s akin to the Coffee-mate Half and Half situation. In fact, I shall refer to this phenomenon as “The Coffee-mate Principle”.

And as for the selection of music “Jack” is spinning, here”s a string of 30 songs (gee, that”s probably three hours” worth) “Jack” played today:

- Hall And Oates - Maneater

- David & David - Welcome To The Boomtown
- Climax Blues Band - Couldn”t Get It Right
- Jackson Browne - Somebody”s Baby
- Scissor Sisters - Filthy Gorgeous
- Tom Cochrane - Life Is A Highway

- Jim Capaldi - That”s Love
- Betty Wright - Clean Up Woman
- Prince - Delirious
- Electric Light Orchestra - Sweet Talkin” Woman
- The Clash - London Calling

- R.E.M. - Pop Song “89
- Pat Benatar - We Belong
- Dick Dale And His Del-Tones - Pipeline (w/Stevie Ray Vaughn)
- Michelle Branch - Everywhere
- Eagles - The Long Run
- Anita Baker - Sweet Love

- Ides Of March - Vehicle
- Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
- Hurricane Smith - Oh Babe (What Would You Say)
- Jack Johnson - Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
- Benny Mardones - Into The Night (Charted in both “80 & “89)

- Loverboy - Turn Me Loose
- Donna Summer - Sunset People
- John Fogerty - Rock And Roll Girls
- Candlebox - You
- Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In The Dark
- Culture Club - Miss Me Blind

- Delbert McClinton - Livin” It Down
- Scritti Politti - Perfect Way

I”d give eight of those tracks (26%) the Cap”n Ken seal of non-suckiness, which is vastly superior to what you”d expect from “normal” commercial music radio (and props for Dick Dale and Delbert McClinton - but “Maneater”? Come on), but contrast that with what I get by putting my iPod”s 8,661 songs onto Shuffle and hitting “next” 30 times:

- Fisticuffs - Primus
- Think For Yourself - The Beatles
- So Long Baby Goodbye - The Blasters
- Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash
- One Four Five - The Fleshtones

- Pack Your Bags - Dash Rip Rock
- The Greatest Thing - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
- Cramp Stomp - The Cramps
- Hotter Than Hell - Kiss
- Party With Me Punker - The Minutemen
- Things Are Going To Get Better - Small Faces

- Stranger Than Fiction - Bad Religion
- Brass Monkey - The Beastie Boys
- Kozmic Blues - Janis Joplin
- Red Angel Dragnet - The Clash
- Pin - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
- Will I Be True? - The Sights

- King of Sleaze - The Beat Farmers
- Torn Curtain - Television
- Bad Boys Blue - Neko Case
- Learn To Fly - Foo Fighters
- The Anchor Song - Bjork
- Echo - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

- Peace In The Valley - Elvis Presley
- Tell Yer Mama - Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers
- Long Distance Call - Muddy Waters
- Fuck And Run - Liz Phair
- Nightcap - Chris Mars
- Your Kinda Love - Patsy Cline

- White Lightin - Rank & File

Obviously, I”m better off (and so are you, if you have any kind of decent taste in music) with my own damn playlist.

I caught a triple-bill of Atlanta rock Friday at The EARL - The Woggles, Catfight and The Cogburns.

Briefly:

- The Cogburns: Decent, fun rock, but fellas (and gal) … don”t end your sets with a cover, even if it is Dash Rip Rock”s [correction: not written by DRR. Thanks, Glenn] fabulous “Pussywhipped”. It makes you look needy.

- Catfight: Ladies, you gotta work a bit on the stage show. You make the promise of an anti-Josie, so tighten things up and deliver on it. You”ve been together too long to be so lacking in stage presence.

- The Woggles: Keep up the good work. Ain”t nothing like a Woggles set. An hour and five minutes of all-out rock goodness. And I guess “The Professor” of The Woggles is going to keep working hard to separate that character from “Mighty Manfred” of Sirius” Underground Garage. So be it.

Invariably, a Woggles set brings out Atlanta-based operatives of the Southern Surf Syndicate, which always brings me down a bit as a reminder of the death - two years ago now - of my pal and yall.com cohort Scott Rogers. But rather than dwell on the loss of probably the world”s only master surf guitarist/web designer/Bama football nut/Gulf War veteran/polite Southern Gentleman, I”d just like to point out that Scott has the coolest headstone ever: