Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

But this is the kind of track I”d like to see all storms that make their way into the Gulf of Mexico taking this year:

Evacuate Tampa now!!!

I was going to write some about LSU”s big-time (for a second time) win yesterday here in Atlanta; give you all fun tidbits from the Georgia Dome like how my buddy Dave called me right after the game and asked what was up with Big Baby being all pissed off at the end of the game (my reply: “I didn”t see that - but he”s dancing around in a feather boa right now …”).

But then I came across something even more stunning than the Tigers taking down Duke and Texas in a fit of March Madness - possibly the worst sports feature story ever written. The lead story of The Advocate (The Baton Rouge daily, not the national gay newspaper) - the piece I assume is on today”s front page under a big “Tigers off to Final Four” headline - was written by somebody named Emily Kern.

This is the big “celebration” story; the one meant to capture this special moment in LSU history. Why they sent what seems to be a middle-school student to write it is beyond me. Some “highlights” -

The lead:

After LSU’s 10-point overtime victory against Texas in the NCAA Tournament on Saturday, Donnie Norad of Houma described the experience as the greatest thing to happen to LSU men’s basketball in 20 years.

The 70-60 win means LSU moves on to the Final Four for the first time since 1986. If LSU wins, the Tigers will play for the national championship.

Wow, how did Emily manage to find a fan with such tremendous insight? Who else but Donnie Norad would pick up on the fact that LSU hasn”t been to the Final Four in 20 years, making yesterday”s win the biggest thing since then? And, oh, the compelling writing.

Some “flavor” of the celebration:

After the win, LSU head coach John Brady walked over to the side of the arena where his wife and daughters were sitting and flashed a thumbs-up in their direction.

“I think John Brady has done a remarkable job with what he had to work with,” Norad said while the LSU band played in celebration and one basketball player saluted the crowd while standing atop the table where radio reporters were working. “He finally put it all together.”

I guess Emily was so taken with Donnie”s fabulous insight that she couldn”t focus on who that “one basketball player” might have been. Hint: those numbers on their shirts are a clue as to who they are.

Emily”s a basketball fan:

At the end of the second period, the game was tied at 52 points. The Tigers commanded the overtime period, making an additional 18 points to win the game.

Who writes like that? I mean, other than a middle-schooler.

After that, the story devolves into canned “fan scene” stuff from before the game. I was as Jocks & Jills where Emily was picking up some fabulous stories, but she didn”t manage to find me.

You can read the whole piece yourself, but I don”t recommend it.

If this load of trash is actually on the front page of the printed paper, The Advocate should be ashamed.

J.J. Redick - you missed 15 shots? Holy smokes. Better luck next year - when you”re a marginal NBA draft pick.

Geaux Tigers! Yes, I was there - thanks TCL!

FEMA offers help with evacuation planning.

Correct me if I”m wrong, Louisianians, but wasn”t the mass evacuation (for those who chose to leave) about the only thing about the Katrina situation that went relatively well? And didn”t that happen before FEMA even showed up?

I”m not one to do the whole “meme thing”, but seeing TYB”s Four Things rundown, I at least want to toss in the most amusing set of four from The Cap”n”s life:

Four jobs you have had:

- Crawfish boiler
- Chemical plant worker
- Weekend AM radio DJ

- Beekeeper”s assistant

I could go on … but those are the best.

The state of Louisiana has launched a new ad campaign to promote tourism in the post-Katrina world.

Unfortunately, the state has no money (well, they have $7 million, which is essentially no money in advertising terms) to really market New Orleans and the rest of Louisiana right now, so The Wisdom is pitching in by providing free advertising space.

This is one of several ads featuring celebrities with connections to New Orleans. I chose the Patricia Clarkson ad because she”s actually from New Orleans, and let”s face it - she”s pretty hot for an older chick.

Now, just the 201,113 pixels I”ve devoted to the ad is worth a considerable amount, but I”m going one step farther and offering this friendly reminder:

Don”t be a dick. Visit Louisiana. It ain”t all that bad - at least in the places you”d be visiting. New Orleans needs your tourist dollars a lot more than San Francisco or anyplace else you”re thinking of visiting.

More information on Louisiana tourism can be found at the Louisiana Travel site.

P.S. They serve free Community Coffee at the Louisiana Welcome Center on I-10. What could be better than that?