Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to. At roughly the same time Barack Obama was addressing thousands of enchanted Germans in Berlin:

Obama in Berlin

John McCain was also courting the German goodwill in Columbus, Ohio. And while CNN chose to carry Obama’s speech live, they gave equal time to McCain by showing a delayed tape of his brief press conference … in front of Schmidt’s Fudge Haus in Columbus:

McCain at the Fudge Haus

Two candidates practicing the delicate art of image crafting and the perception of power and authority. Sorry, Obama campaign, you can’t beat the Fudge Haus for presidential gravitas.

Wordpress App looks fairly cool. Let’s add a photo …

Camera crashed the phone on the first try; OK after that. They probably have some bugs to work out yet. But a game-changer for sure.

Job Title: Store Reset Specialist

Job Description: Responsible for representing ACOSTA, our principals, and our customers through the proper implementation of current plan-o-grams, new items, void corrections or special merchandising activity for the specific set and location. Rotate stock, display products as appropriate per schematic. Perform such duties as checking date codes per ensuring adherence to plan-o-gram, replacing decals/re-order tags or ads and placing point of purchase material. May assist in the transportation and on-site delivery of all materials, supplies and equipment necessary for the assigned set. Responsible for special projects as assigned.

Job Qualifications: High School Diploma/GED required. Prior food broker, retail and set responsibility experience preferred. Must be able to lift up to 60 pounds. Must be able to effectively communicate with others. Must be able to sit for long periods of time, stoop and kneel on a daily basis. Must have a valid driver’s license and must be able to drive a car for extended periods of time.

Employer: ACOSTA

This one seems pretty awesome. Any job that involves working with a “plan-o-gram” has to be cool. The possibility of “special projects” is very exciting as well. And I have tremendous experience with stooping and kneeling on a daily basis. I haven’t sat for more than 10 minutes in about a year, but I have a lot of experience driving a car for extended periods of time (mostly between Atlanta and Baton Rouge). As for communicating well with others - hey, read The Wisdom!

I suppose the gist of this job is that you drive around to stores and make sure the products of ACOSTA clients are displayed correctly (according to the plan-o-gram), have the right specials posted and stuff like that. I’d rank this position fairly high up the chain in that mythical “if all jobs paid the same amount” consideration. Alas, I doubt this position pays all that well - and I’ll have to see about lifting those 60 pounds. Lifting 24.5 pounds a thousand times a day is no problem, though.

Apparently today is the day when ESPN rolls out the full-time edition of College Football Live for the season. So my long-dormant DVR timer for it fired off at 6 p.m. Eastern, and what do I get? F*cking Brent Musburger hosting???? Please, God, don’t let this be.

Musburger is the guy who makes me turn off LSU TV audio and listen to Jim Hawthorne incorrectly calling the game on a 10-second delay. That’s how much I hate Brent Musburger. He’s as old as Keith Jackson with none of the charm and the little “snappy” Dick Vitale announcing style he added a few years ago is beyond intolerable. I don’t know if I can watch a season of College Football Live if he’s the host.

What’s more - CFL has apparently added some central-casting young hottie (named Molly Qerim) to anchor the “interactive” portions of the show. And, of course, taking on the expense of bimbo care and feeding means they’ve got to expand the stupid fan “involvement” in the show. So now it’s not just pointless video clips from drunken fans, now we’re going to have things like a March Madness-style fan-vote “bracket” to determine the coolest helmets in college football. I’m not making that up.

ESPN, you had the best thing going with CFL - daily, in-depth coverage of college football all season long. But if this is what you’ve decided to turn CFL in to, I’ll have one less must-see show on my DVR.

Boo.

Congratulations to Baton Rouge on shedding a whopping nine Starbucks locations in the coffee-peddler’s pullback. By comparison, all of metro Atlanta will see just 10 Starbucks close in the downsizing. Baton Rouge will have but four Starbucks after the closings.

I’m commenting from a distance and without having been down to Louisiana for almost a year, but I have to think the Starbucks retreat speaks volumes about the success of Community Coffee in building out their CC’s Coffee House chain as well as Louisiana’s deeply-entrenched coffee culture and general embracing of things local over giant chain stores.

Given the price of oil and Louisiana’s ties to the industry, I would assume the economy down there is in no worse shape than anyplace else, so I doubt Starbucks is leaving because it doesn’t like the market. I have to think it’s just getting its butt stomped down there. The chain was very late in coming to Baton Rouge, and most of their stores probably fit the model of new and unestablished they say they’re looking for in the closings, but if the company is simply losing to the locals in Baton Rouge, that would make me happy.

Somebody lift a Cafe au Lait for me in celebration.

I’ve been meaning to make a regular Wisdom feature out of job postings I happen across in the course of my job search. I cast a wide net of job feeds that come in through RSS, so there are interesting and amusing ones floating by all the time. So call it a feature …

Job Title: 94.9 The Bull / Morning Show co-host

Job Description: 94.9 “The Bull” in Atlanta is looking for an additional and fresh perspective for the Cledus T. Judd Morning Show! The job is open and waiting for someone that is real and can relate to their listeners. This will be a very valuable member of our team and it’s your opportunity to get in at the start of something BIG.

Qualifications: TO APPLY, send AUDIO and RESUMES to: 94.9 The Bull / HR DEPT, 1819 Peachtree Road NE #700, Atlanta, GA 30309. OR - email to hrAtlanta@clearchannel.com.

Employer: Clear Channel Communications

My Strengths: If my perspective is anything, it’s fresh and additional. No specific mention of previous radio experience required - but I have previous radio experience! That’s right, I do. It’s fallen off my resume, but in the summer of 1988 or so, I was the weekend station manager, DJ and host of two live shows - a Cajun music show and Sunday Mass at the local Catholic church at KCLF radio in New Roads, Louisiana.

My Weaknesses: I’ve never heard the Cledus T Judd Morning Show, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say I probably wouldn’t like it. And I’m going to assume that the “I hate you people” perspective isn’t exactly what The Bull is looking for. Plus, I bet you have to get up real early for this gig.

So I think I’ll pass. But I may live to regret it.