Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

With the now-expressed interest in Les Miles by Michigan (he”s awesome, guys! - please don”t take him away!!!), attention must be turned to a potential successor should Leslie leave for the semi-retirement of being the Michigan coach. And, of course, a name that has and no doubt will continue to pop up is Nick Saban. As laughable as the notion of Fonzie bailing out of Alabama after one season to return to LSU is, people will argue that it makes great sense. LSU is where Fonzie had his greatest success; it”s the job that made him love college football so much he had to come back; the job is somewhat less burdened with crazy fan expectations; etc.

With that in mind, I”d like to offer my list of former LSU coaches ranked by the potential that they would be asked to return to coach the Tigers.

1) Bill Arnsbarger - Sure, he”s 81 and has been out of football for 12 years. But he won.

2) Paul Dietzel - Sure, he”s 83 and has been out of football for 25 years. But he won.

3) Bo Rein, should be be found alive on a deserted island in the Caribbean

4) Mike Archer - Actually a viable head-coaching candidate again.

5) The Corpse of Charles McClendon

6) Jerry Stovall

7) The Corpse of Bo Rein, should it be found

Gerry DiNardo

9) Nick Saban

10) Curley Hallman

Between the huge letdown of LSU blowing the Arkansas game and tending to the YouTube phenomenon that was the Auburn dog bite, my energy being directed toward last weekend”s action went down quickly. But to recap: Leslie and Fonzie agree on one thing - overtime isn”t real football. And they”re right. It”s a crapshoot of made plays, missed plays and luck. If alternating possessions from the 25-yard-line was how football was always played, the college landscape would be very different.

But there”s a solution: Win the fucking game over your inferior opponent before it gets to overtime. LSU couldn”t do that against 8-4 Arkansas, they couldn”t do it against 7-5 Kentucky and they almost didn”t do it against 3-9 Ole Miss, 6-6 Alabama or 8-4 Auburn.

I said going in that the Arkansas game could be a wild affair. Darren McFadden has the ability to totally screw up your gameplan (although Auburn had the ability to hold Arkansas to 67 rushing yards). And LSU”s defense is banged up enough that some slack has to be given there. I want to rant about Bo Pelini”s horrible coaching and strategy, but I do think a lot of the defensive collapse has been due to injuries. Still, LSU should have been able to hold Arkansas back more than they did last Friday.

Offensively, I”m not sure where Matt Flynn”s head was, but going 19 for 43 for 176 yards (in regulation) … against the SEC”s No. 8 passing defense … at home … in the game to keep you in the BCS hunt in inexcusable for a 5th-year senior. Ryan Perrilloux did not play in the game despite Flynn”s ineffectiveness and apparent shoulder injury. And - assuming this was ongoing punishment for the incident at The Varsity and not Leslie simply forgetting Ryan is on the team - I support that. This, Ryan, is what you”ve done to the team by your immature and irresponsible behavior - helped keep us out of the BCS title game. That consequence should be allowed to play out; letting the idiot come save you is not a good message.

Of course, the game would likely have been put away if Early Doucet had stood in the right spot on one particular play. Is Doucet so stupid that he doesn”t understand the rules about how to line up, or is this a symptom of really horrible coaching? It”s hard to say, but stupid procedural penalties are the hallmark of Leslie”s teams, so it”s hard to ignore that history.

In any case, LSU (once again) should never have been in the position of needing to win this one late. But we were. The bad wins (and losses) of Leslie”s tenure are adding up: Kentucky, Auburn, Alabama, Ole Miss and Arkansas this year; Auburn, Tennessee, Alabama, Ole Miss, Arkansas last year; Arizona State, Tennessee, Auburn, Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia in 2005.

Three years, 32 wins, 6 losses. By my count, one of those losses (Florida last year) is a “quality loss”, five were poor losses. Fifteen of the 32 wins were expected victories over poor teams, 11 were close-call wins that never should have been close and just 6 (Va. Tech, South Carolina, Florida this year, Notre Dame last year and Florida and Miami in 2005) are what I would call “quality wins” - either hard-fought battles won against strong teams or domination of decent teams. And you could certainly argue about the Miami and Notre Dame wins.

LSU is a highly-talented and completely unprepared team. I hear Michigan might be scheduling a press conference for Monday. I welcome that.

Elsewhere in the SEC:

Tennessee / Kentucky was wilder than I could have imagined. The “Cats should have won this one, but I”m happy to have the Vols to face in Atlanta, not the Dawgs. Missed the pick.

Coach O ushered himself out the door - and Houston Nutt in (great hire) - by blowing the Eh Bowl and my pick there.

Fonzie was suitably embarrassed by Auburn, but offense was not to be found there.

Georgia rolled, as did Florida, and Clemson almost made my blow my pick against the Cocks.

For the week: 4 - 3

For the season: 75 - 17

This one’s too good to let pass. Auburn player defending an Alabama pass late in tonight’s game gets bitten by a security dog at the back of the endzone. Reminds me of Uga snapping at an Auburn player during a Georgia game a few years back - but Uga missed.

Previous video: Les Miles - I’m The Head Coach

See also: Oregon / Arizona - Poon Fight

I published this last night at the tail end of my coverage of Leslie’s brilliance in the Arkansas game, but I don’t want it getting lost in the shuffle. So I give you “I’m The Head Coach” starring Les Miles:

Previous video: Oregon / Arizona - Poon Fight

LSU Head Coach Les Miles - one of the most brilliant coaches to ever walk the sidelines - was unable to pull his untalented Tigers through to another victory Friday, as No. 1 LSU fell to Arkansas in triple overtime Friday. Not even the best coach in college football could save the Tigers on this day. It was not, though, for a lack of effort on Miles” part. Coach Miles out-strategized Arkansas coach Houston Nutt and nearly coaxed an 11th win out of what is clearly a weak set of players for LSU.

With the game tied at 21 mid-way through the fourth quarter, Miles sensed the momentum Arkansas had and knew a quick score would just give the Hogs the ball back with Big Mo on their side. So - very shrewdly - Miles had Early Doucet line up in the wrong position to negate what would have been a 54-yard touchdown pass that would have played right into Arkansas” hands.

The discipline of Doucet to stay on the line of scrimmage when standard coaching techniques would surely have taught the senior not to stand there is a testament to Miles” brilliance. Clearly this is a program with strong leadership.

Miles and his coordinators then willed their team to overtime, first by allowing Arkansas to move the ball at will to go up 28-21, and then by devising an unlikely gameplan for the final drive - including a fourth-down swing pass so inept-looking that it had to succeed.

And then, in the most brilliant strategy move executed this day, Miles used two timeouts before the game-tying score to leave one minute on the clock and force Arkansas to take the ball back one final time in regulation.

But in the end, Miles” incomparable leadership, Bo Pelini”s strategy of wearing down the Arkansas offense by making them move the ball 437 yards in regulation and Gary Crowton”s brilliant three-play offense was not enough to overcome LSU”s obvious lack of talent. So these Tigers will fail to win a national title for Coach Miles this year, and that”s a shame. He deserves better.

And after a season of pulling his team through close games, not even the brilliant mind of Les Miles could save the Tigers today.

Les Miles is the best coach in college football I sure hope no other teams try to lure him away, as any team would be lucky to have him.

It’s a great weekend for SEC football. The weather (at least in Atlanta) is finally brisk, and a lot is on the line. The way it should be. Except that I’m not in Baton Rouge gearing up to go to LSU / Arkansas. A concession for the baby and wife, who deserved a quiet, stress-free Thanksgiving more than I deserved a Friday of LSU football.

And away we go. I’m not even going to try to analyze the LSU / Arkansas matchup. On one side you have a team that gives up 78 yards per game on the ground but let a team that averages less than 125 yards get 200. On the other side you have a team that whose rushing output has ranged from 67 yards in one game to 542 in another - with the same guys carrying the ball.

If Arkansas puts together a good game, No. 1 LSU could be in trouble. Brent Schaeffer of Ole Miss is like a bad Darren McFadden, and he would have beaten LSU last week if Coach O wasn’t stupid enough to take him out of the game.

I expect Bo Pelini to game-plan heavily around a running Darren McFadden and Felix Jones. I would think the idea is to play single-coverage on receivers and make Arkansas run past more of the defense or let McFadden or Casey Dick throw it. I hope the planning and execution is solid this week.

Offensively, the Tigers should be able to move the ball and score, so I predict a wild one.

Tigers 45 - 43

Elsewhere in the SEC:

No. 18 Tennessee at No. 28 Kentucky - I’ll be pulling for the Vols here, but this one’s set up for Kentucky to win. The ‘Cats carry the SEC’s top passing offense and the Vols have the SEC’s second-worst passing defense. However, the ‘Cats also bring a bad defense, so this one could get out of hand. Kentucky 49 - 48

Alabama at No. 26 Auburn - I don’t remember the last time I pulled for Auburn in this game, but I’ll be doing that this weekend. The irrational arrogance of Alabama fans early in the year (woo-hoo! we beat Arkansas!!), is getting vomited back in their faces, and I’m enjoying the hell out of that. It’s not a Fonzie thing, but I now wish for nothing but bad to come down on Bama. War Eagles 24 - 10

Ole Miss at Mississippi State - Also known as the Eh Bowl for it’s lack of significance. But this year it’s a 7-win season on the line for MSU vs. avoiding a winless SEC season for Ole Miss. I think Coach O will take lessons from the LSU game. Ole Miss 27 - 20

No. 7 Georgia at Georgia Tech - I don’t know much about the Jackets, but I think UGA has figured it out. And they’ll probably come out in white helmets and red pants for good measure. Motivation! Dawgs 31 - 17

Florida State at No. 12 Florida - Mop-up duty for Tebow’s Heisman push. Gators 45 - 20

No. 22 Clemson at South Carolina - Also an ACC/SEC matchup I don’t have much analysis on. But the Cocks have looked very bad of late. I’ll give this one to Clemson. Tigers 21 - 17