Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

I”ve been distracted for most of the day mucking around in a desperate bid to rescue my iPhone from the not-cool firmware update Apple sent down (yes, I was dumb enough to install it), so let”s see what we have going on in the SEC tomorrow. LSU, of course, is taking on Tulane down in New Orleans (with those ugly but noble uniforms on). And in a preemptive move, Tulane has already taken their starting quarterback out of the game, saving him the pain and humiliation the starters in each of LSU”s first four games have experienced.

So the Greenies, who are 96th in total and scoring offense, will start a sophomore who”s attempted 16 passes this year (completing 9 of them for 75 yards and an interception). Good luck with that. And whoever is No. 2 on the depth chart now - stay loose on the sideline.

LSU 56 - 7

Elsewhere in the SEC:

Auburn visits No. 3.5 Florida. The reeling Tigers look to knock off the Gators for a second straight year; Florida looks for revenge (at home) against the team that turned Urban Meyer into a beggar on national TV. The way SEC Justice works … Auburn wins this game. The Tigers aren”t bad enough to be a team Florida looks past in anticipation of the LSU game next week, but the Gators may be tempted to do so. But given the Gators” scare last weekend against Ole Miss, I think Florida gets past Auburn. Gators 24 - 20

Florida Atlantic at No. 14.5 Kentucky. Yes, Kentucky is the third-highest-ranked SEC team right now. Any chance another small Florida school (currently 3-1) pulls one over on the SEC? Yes - this is Kentucky. But I”m not picking it. Kentucky 45 - 32

Ole Miss at No. 15.5 Georgia. The Dawgs are overly-impressed with themselves after beating Alabama, and the Rebels are overly impressed with themselves after not getting blown out by Florida. Georgia 34 - 24

Mississippi State at No. 19.0 South Carolina. So MSU is on a three-game win streak. Congratulations, Sylvester. Mention that at contract time. Cocks 28 - 17

No. 23.0 Alabama at Florida State. Bobby Bowden is from Alabama and has never coached against the Tide. Nick Saban probably doesn”t know that and surely wouldn”t care. Alabama 31 - 13

North Texas at Arkansas. Hogs 41 - 10

Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt. Vandy 24 - 13

It”s hard not to get behind the charitable/awareness effort by Nike being organized for the LSU/Tulane game in New Orleans this weekend. The city can use the attention, and the Tigers playing the Greenies in NOLA is a great opportunity for that.

The big deal, of course, is Nike mucking around with LSU”s fantastic, “look at me, it”s 1950!” uniform. White jerseys, purple and gold shoulder stripes, gold helmet, gold pants. It”s just the way the world works.

But this weekend, we get:

Purple jersey with only a hint of shoulder stripes, white helmet, white pants. Outside of the context of helping New Orleans, this is totally not cool. Again, I”m hesitant to tear apart a noble effort, but these are some ugly-ass uniforms.

On the shoulder is the special Nike Pelican/Phoenix logo:

I”m not sure I understand why the Peliphoenix has flowing blonde hair (credit: extraface), but the logo has a bit of a throwback Deco feel to it, so for a good cause I”ll accept that instead of stripes on Tiger shoulders … for this one game.

More troubling, though, is the inexplicable “eye of the Tiger” on the special white pants:

I would like to make this perfectly clear - the “eye of the Tiger” crap is ridiculous and I”m embarrassed that the logo continues to live at the 50-yard-line of Tiger Stadium. It was pathetic to associate LSU with the band Survivor and Rocky III back in the 1980s, and it”s disgusting that LSU still embraces the “eye”. To see the logo spread to our uniforms is troubling to say the least. I fear it will become a permanent fixture.

If this special uniform is a one-off thing only for the Tulane game, fine. But giving Nike a foot in the door of LSU uniform design is more than a little concerning.

LSU must look like this:

Not this:

I”ll start this with my usual caveat - polls don”t matter this early in the season (and the AP poll doesn”t matter at all). But it”s worth noting that the first Harris Poll of the season looks remarkably like the coaches poll and AP poll. We”re supposed to believe, of course, that the learned Harris voters have spent the first four weeks of the season studying the teams, watching games and evaluating the results of those games to come up with their rankings. That”s the point, of course, of not starting the Harris Poll until now - pre-season bias is supposed to be exorcised from the equation.

So let”s consider the state of the season so far to see which team would most logically be called “No. 1″ right now.

There are 20 teams that are 4-0 and three teams that are 3-0. It”s reasonable to give strong consideration to undefeated teams. Now, a real basic question to get to “who”s the best team right now” is not only “how many games have you lost?”, but also “how many games have you won?”. All things being equal, a team that has won four games is undeniably more accomplished than a team that has won only three.

Eighty percent of Harris Poll voters declared this week that one of the 3-0 teams is No. 1.

Another reasonable question would be “who have you played?”. The NCAA publishes a basic “toughest schedules” report that gives you a nice view of the cumulative records of a team”s opponents. That”s a basic view, of course, and digging deeper into opponents” opponents will give a better sense of schedule strength, but I”m sure the Harris voters still have day jobs.

Eighty percent of Harris Poll voters declared that the team with the 32nd-toughest schedule so far is No. 1. Not the undefeated team with the 12th-toughest (Oregon), or the 21st (LSU) or also the 21st (Wisconsin), or also the 32nd (Ohio State). And, of course, all of these but Harris” pick for No. 1 have won four games, not three.

Then there is the question of how well have the teams performed.

Eighty percent of Harris Poll voters declared that the team with the 23rd-best total offense, 13th-best scoring offense, 25th-best total defense and 27th-best scoring defense (against the 32nd-toughest schedule) so far is No. 1. Not the team with the 3rd-best total offense, 1st-best scoring offense, 5th-best total defense and 8th-best scoring defense (Oklahoma - against the 56th-toughest schedule). Not 26th / 16th / 1st / 1st against the 21st-toughest schedule (LSU). And, once again, it”s the team that”s played three games, not four, that is No. 1.

To recap - 4 out of 5 Harris Poll voters say their No. 1 team:

- Is No. 21 in total wins
- Is No. 32 in strength of schedule
- Is No. 23 in total offense
- Is No. 13 in scoring offense

- Is No. 25 in total defense
- Is No. 27 in scoring defense

What, exactly, about the Harris Poll”s No. 1 team is No. 1?

Among the 23 undefeated team, here are the leaders:

- No. 1 in total wins: 20 teams tied
- No. 1 in strength of schedule: Oregon
- No. 1 in total offense: Oklahoma
- No. 1 in scoring offense: Oklahoma
- No. 1 in total defense: LSU

- No. 1 in scoring defense: LSU

LSU has played a much harder schedule than Oklahoma, but the Sooners have incredible balance in their offensive and defensive rankings. A good case could be made for either team being No. 1 at this point in the season - a much better case than anybody could make for why the supposedly non-preseason-biased Harris Poll would arrive at their choice for No. 1 by a landslide 80 percent vote.

It seems the key resource most Harris Poll voters use in filling out their ballot is the current AP poll rankings. For a poll that was created specifically to avoid pre-season bias, that”s just unforgivable.

I”m jumping right in to recap yesterday”s LSU and SEC action - because I was so darned right. LSU absolutely destroyed South Carolina on the ground yesterday, rolling up 290 yards on 50 carries spread out to eight different players (including kicker Colt David - shalom!). Jacob Hester pounded the line, Trindon Holliday dared the Cocks to catch him and Ryan Perrilloux played the Tebow role to perfection - 8 carries for 59 yards. I hadn”t counted on Holliday and Perrilloux contributing so much on the ground, but I”m still getting used to this Crowton offense.

On a rainy field with a gimpy Matt Flynn and no Early Doucet, the Tigers” passing game was ineffective, totaling only 70 yards on eight completions. The play-by-play includes an awful lot of “Matt Flynn pass incomplete … right before “Patrick Fisher punt …”. The only question in my mind is why would LSU even throw the ball 20 times in those conditions when so many spread-offense rushing options were available. The bright spot in the air was tight end Richard Dickson, who - I believe - may be the only tight end LSU has ever thrown more than one ball to in a single game.

On defense, LSU was untouchable on the ground, only giving up an unreal 17 rushing yards. And that was with just three sacks contributing negative yardage. South Carolina”s running backs managed just 43 yards on 24 carries. I would have liked to see LSU finish stronger - 136 of Carolina”s 261 yards of total offense and 9 of their 16 points came in the last 10 minutes of the game - and the Cocks” other touchdown was set up by stupid LSU penalties, so as Leslie would say, those are things to work on.

But all in all, LSU”s performance yesterday was impressive. No letdown in a game that was ripe for one. And just enough mistakes to remind the Tigers that they need to be sharper when the Gators come to down in two weeks.

Elsewhere in the SEC:

Georgia brought Fonzie”s Army back down to Earth with a quick-strike overtime closer. Alabama may have more talent, but despite what Tide fans began to believe, Nick Saban is not God and turnarounds don”t happen instantly, even in Tuscaloosa.

Arkansas should have handled Kentucky, but once again they seemed unwilling to control the ball late in the game. The Hogs” yards gained by quarter - 1st: 131, 2nd: 238, 3rd: 49, 4th: 63.

By contrast, Kentucky toughened up after giving Arkansas nine quick points on a safety and ensuing kick return for a touchdown. The Cats could have folded at that point - down eight early in the fourth quarter after a disastrous turn of events. Instead, Kentucky powered through on the back of their fourth-string running back and launched three straight scoring drives, piling up 172 yards and 21 points in the last 11 minutes of the game.

Kentucky deserves tremendous credit for taking control of the game and pulling out a tough SEC win. Arkansas needs a quarterback and an offensive coordinator.

Down in Oxford, Ole Miss made Florida work for the win, but that”s how it goes in the SEC sometimes. The Gators will lose style points to Oklahoma in the polls, but the outcome of their next four games - Auburn, LSU, Kentucky, Georgia - is all that matters.

Auburn, Tennessee and Mississippi State all took care of business and rolled up expected wins.

For the week: 6 - 1

For the season: 29 - 6

It looks like LSU might be in for a rainy afternoon of football tomorrow. Going on that assumption, I”m looking forward to an ugly, sloppy affair best suited to the ball-control stylings of Mr. Matt Flynn. Let”s hope he”s driving the bus tomorrow. The Cocks, of course, are high on life after beating Georgia two weeks ago. But what do Spurrier”s boys really bring to the table? Wins over two total patsies (UL-Lafayette and S. Carolina St.) and a Georgia team that isn”t looking quite as cool nowadays - their only win of significance came in the opener against Oklahoma State … which was humiliated by Troy last weekend.

South Carolina is dead last in the SEC in rush defense (192 yards a game) and sixth in total defense despite their easy road to three wins. In each of their three games, an opposing running back has hung a hundred (in each case, the back”s highest yardage total) on the Cocks, and S. Carolina St. put up more ground yards against South Carolina than they did against Bethune-Cookman.

Mr. Spurrier, meet Jacob Hester, Keiland Williams, Charles Scott and Richard Murphy. If the game goes to the ground because of the rain (or just because it”s likely to work really, really well), LSU has a battery of backs to throw at a weak Cock run defense. LSU is fourth in the SEC with 231 ground yards a game, though it”s still to be determined how tough of a schedule the Tigers have faced.

LSU”s air game is a big question mark this weekend with Early Doucet out, Matt Flynn suspect and that tropical depression on the way, and South Carolina is much stronger against the pass (second in the SEC in pass defense). So with matters of personnel and environment uncertain, pounding the Cock run defense seems like the smart plan.

On offense, the Cocks are nothing to write home about, sitting sixth in the SEC in rush offense and ninth in passing offense. They played their opener without Blake Mitchell, however, and you can count on Spurrier going deep into his bag of tricks to try to move the ball against the staunch LSU defense (first in the nation in total defense and scoring defense, first in the SEC in every defensive category they have).

Talent, past performance and the home field are clear advantages for LSU. South Carolina has the evil genius on their side, and could get help from Mother Nature and LSU injuries. A muddy field with Ryan Perrilloux in charge? Not LSU”s ideal situation.

LSU 17 - 13

Elsewhere in the SEC:

No. 20 Alabama hosts No. 21 Georgia. Fonzie has his boys believing; UGA is feeling down having lost to South Carolina and after seeing Oklahoma State get beat by Troy. But Matthew Stafford does his best work in the state of Alabama. I don”t think Georgia is particularly strong, but I sense a mid-rebuild Tide letdown. Georgia 24 - 21

No. 3 Florida at Ole Miss. The Rebels are not good, especially on defense. Florida is really good on both sides of the ball. Gators 52 - 6

No. 23 Kentucky at Arkansas. Kentucky”s powerful air attack against Arkansas” bad pass defense. Arkansas” powerful ground attack against Kentucky”s bad run defense. Which will prevail? I”m going with the Hogs for their ability to control the ball for longer periods of time. Arkansas 31 - 28

New Mexico State at Auburn. Is it at all possible that the Tigers could lose three straight games at home to South Florida, Mississippi State and New Mexico State? With what Auburn calls an offense, yes. But I have to think at some point these losses stop happening. Auburn 10 - 7

Arkansas State at Tennessee. The Vols are reeling after being destroyed by Florida and not being able to match Cal TD for TD. Arkansas State stayed within 8 points of Texas. But I see the Vols not blowing this one. Tennessee 34 - 20

Gardner-Webb at Mississippi State. Yes, Gardner-Webb. A chance for the guys at ESPN to say more nice things about Sylvester Croom. Mississippi State 13 - 10

It was good to see the LSU machine hum right along without Matt Flynn and Early Doucet Saturday night. It sounds like Doucet is not likely to play against Carolina this weekend, and Flynn is a question mark as well. Some real game experience for Perrilloux and the younger receivers may come in handy. At this point, I”m ready to call LSU “really good” given total domination over a then top-10 team, an MSU team that showed themselves to be capable of winning an SEC game and MTSU, which has an offense that”s capable of doing much more than LSU let them.

Big Test No. 2 will come Saturday.

Elsewhere in the SEC:

Auburn, of course, stunk up their joint again, falling to Mississippi State. The only pick I blew, and more than offset by my upset pick of Kentucky over Louisville.

Florida steamrolled Tennessee to assert their dominance over the SEC East and Alabama showed they”ve got some guts this year by coming from behind to close out Arkansas.

For the week: 7 - 1

For the season: 23 - 5