Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

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Archive for June, 2005

Jun 28 2005

I’m full

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Music & Whatnot

After a few months of work, I”ve managed to finally fill up my 40GB iPod. That little puppy is chock-full-o- music now so, in the spirit of full disclosure, I give you the rundown of artists in The Cap”n”s iPod.

I dare you - DARE you - to take issue with artists in my iPod. In most instances, these artists are in the iPod completely on their own merits, but in some instances they were included in a soundtrack or compilation deemed worthy by The Cap”n (which explains Billy Joel, among others). To assist you in formulating whatever weak argument you may want to make, here”s the complete rundown of every song on my iPod.

It should be noted that “full” on my 40GB iPod is 8,700 songs (me love high bitrates) and about 37.25GB. What”s in it now is a whittled-down set of selections (my whole library is about 44GB right now), so new stuff will eventually push some of these things off, and there is already a good bit of marginal stuff that”s been shoved aside. But this is a good start for a “full” list.

The artist list:

I”m starting a whirlwind tour of L.A. and Vegas this morning, so I”ll leave this piece fresh through the week so you call can examine this fine list at your leisure.

Again, I DARE you to find fault in any selection.

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Jun 22 2005

Question for the father of Brennan Hawkins

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Jesus & Pals

The parents of the kid who went missing (and turned up alive yesterday) out in Utah were live on CNN this afternoon talking about the ordeal. And the dad laid out what he told Brennan after he was found alive (love that DVR):

“You know what, Brennan? Heavenly Father has taken care of you. And your prayers, and our prayers and everybody”s prayers have brought us back together.”

Then he summed up his beliefs about Brennan”s ordeal:

“We do believe that God had his hand in everything that took place and transpired. I think as a world we need to understand that there is a God. I think we need to be rooted in these fundamental principles that the Savior taught of love and of service.”

So my question for Brennan”s dad is if God had his hand in everything that helped bring Brennan home alive, what”s been His hangup in delivering Garrett Bardsley (missing for almost a year in the Utah wilderness) back to his family, or Natalee Holloway back to her folks down in Aruba? Hell, there are prayer vigils going on in Aruba all the time for her.

Did the Heavenly Father cast off Natalee because she left a bar with three guys she didn”t know? Did that little Garrett boy kill kittens or something?

Just curious.

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Jun 21 2005

Why is Jessica shaking her ass at me?

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Culture

Maybe I”m wrong, but I don”t want Jessica Simpson to shake her ass at me.

She does this with abandon in her These Boots Are Made For Walking video (keep it playing until she washes the General Lee - and, no, that”s not a euphemism).

To the extent - which is not much - that I enjoy watching girls in bikinis shake their asses at me, this is not at all what I want from Jessica. The Jessica Simpson Product is sexy but sweet. She looks her hottest in the opening of Newlyweds where she”s wearing her little green shawl and looks all pooped trying to stir things up in her mixing bowl.

That product works. The familiar Jessica Simpson Product is so well made that I even believe her tits are real!

That”s the product you”ve sold me, Mass Media Machine, and that”s the Jessica Simpson Product I want. It appears to be selling well, and it seemed natural to extend it to the Daisy Duke character - the sexy but downhome country girl - so why are you messing with it? Have you never heard of New Coke?

I don”t want the Jessica Simpson Product to “sing” in that breathless faux-singing style of Britney Spears. I don”t want the Jessica Simpson Product to look like a slut. And although I love the whole “blonde on dark” hair thing, I want the Jessica Simpson Product to have good-girl monotone blonde hair that looks best in a ponytail.

If I want an Ass-Shaking Blonde White Slut Girl Singing Breathlessly Product I”ll buy a Britney video.

[editor"s note: hopefully the Mass Media Machine will realize that the Britney product doesn"t work well as the White-Trash Kentwood Girl Revealing "Her Truth" Product - the Britney Product is all about the false image, not her "truth".]

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Jun 21 2005

More on ‘30 Days’

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Culture

For all of you - which is apparently none of you - who were enthralled by my instant analysis of Morgan Spurlock”s 30 Days, you might want to check out a more detailed analysis of the economic fallacies of his “minimum wage” experiment at econopundit.

Going beyond The Cap”n”s simplistic look at how much the minimum wage is worth, why you shouldn”t have babies if you”re poor and all that, econopundit very accurately points out that Morgan should have had worker”s comp for his wrist injury and other nice little nuggets.

And, yes, I wanted to link over there because they kindly are pointing people to The Wisdom for more about 30 Days. Look at me! I”m an economist!!

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Jun 21 2005

Question …

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Culture

When you see a young, stylish black woman in Atlanta driving a brand-new Tony Stewart Special Edition Chevy Monte Carlo, is it more likely:

a) She”s a big NASCAR fan
b) There was a hell of a sale on that ugly-ass car

?

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Jun 20 2005

Zero, my hero

Posted by: Cap'n Ken in Culture

So I was cruising the Coke aisle at the all-new non-Ghetto Kroger on Saturday when I noticed something new - Coca-Cola Zero.

I pondered the likely difference between the un-caloried Zero, regular Diet Coke and Diet Coke with Splenda (let”s not drag Tab into this) when I noticed the Coke guy wheeling in a pallet of Fridge Packs. So I just asked him what the deal is with Coca-Cola Zero.

Zero, he told me, is based on the original Coca-Cola formula, unlike Diet Coke - which I believe is based on the original Draino formula.

I tried Diet Coke with Splenda a few weeks ago, and it sucks. Hard. At the time, the wife said DCS tastes like regular Coke, which is why I didn”t like it (having fully adjusted to the Draino goodness of Diet Coke). Not really remembering what real Coca-Cola tastes like, I took her word for it.

But I decided to give Zero a try.

Holy Jesus is that stuff good. This is what a “diet” Coca-Cola should be. It”s got the cola heft of regular Coke and the aspartame twang of Diet Coke. For whatever reason, they didn”t go Splenda here.

I drank nine of them in a 24-hour period.

Only after having Zero did I realize that Pepsi One must be based on the regular Pepsi formula, which is what makes it different than Diet Pepsi [editor"s note: you couldn"t have paid me to drink a regular Pepsi back in my sugared-Coke days, but I don"t see much different in the diets.]

But when I hit the Coca-Cola Zero site, I discovered they didn”t make this drink for me.

According to the site, Zero is for “consumers who are looking for real Coca-Cola taste with zero calories and who are not consumers of current diet CSDs [carbonated soda drinks?]“. I guess they aren”t checking this requirement yet, as I was able to purchase a Fridge Pack of Diet Coke with Lime at the same time.

Zero is targeted at “young adults”, who the Coke marketing people say have told them they want “a new brand they can call their own.”

Over my dead body, junior. This shit is gooooooood, and if I have to put my baseball cap on backwards and put some 50-cent in my iPod to buy it, I”m there.

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