All I can say is "wow

So I”m surfing around at lunch, trying to see if the papers in Louisville have any insight on the Bobby Petrino / LSU dance.

And I come across this column:

Snakes, not Tigers, would fit Petrino best

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Bobby Petrino slipped — no, slithered — away, his self-made controversy still reeking.

The University of Louisville football coach avoided another day of media inquiries into his contemptible decision-making. When practice ended, he headed straight toward the freedom of a chartered bus. He stopped long enough to speak briefly with an out-of-town reporter and blow off one of his regulars. Shortly thereafter, the bus started rolling.

No word yet on whether he dropped off the players at the team hotel and told the driver to high-tail it to Baton Rouge, La.

It wouldn”t be so bad if it happened. Since Petrino has decided to wink and giggle with Louisiana State, spurning all this Cardinal love and patience, it”s time for him to depart.

Petrino better get this LSU job.

Because if he returns to Louisville, someone should grab him as soon as he enters the city limits and turn him over to the morality police.

In Louisville, Petrino no longer can be viewed as a genius coach who made a bad but forgivable mistake with Auburn last year. No, Petrino now is an arrogant opportunist who can”t be trusted because his desire for the so-called big-time means more to him than integrity, honor and truth.

Petrino could tell me I was in the path of a tornado, and I”d stand in place.

No second chances

This man almost slipped — no, slithered — away to Auburn a year ago, even though the Tigers still had a coach and Petrino”s bosses hadn”t approved the interview. Now this man has spoken with LSU about its coaching vacancy less than a week after accepting a new contract that made him Louisville”s first million-dollar football coach.

If this LSU incident were isolated, Petrino would be considered shady, but perhaps he could make people understand. LSU won a national championship last season and is stocked with enough talent to win another one soon. Evaluate all the coaching jobs solely on the ability to step in and win, and LSU is easily in the top five.

And the Tigers” interest (what”s up with this guy and Tigers? Is it a fetish?) in Petrino is understandable. Within two seasons, he”s taken Louisville higher than it”s ever been and done so with flair.

We can”t separate incidents, however. Petrino is 2for2 in job-hunting mishaps. It”s a yearly thing. If your 2005 calendar doesn”t show a despicable Petrino act somewhere between Thanksgiving and New Year”s Eve, consider it flawed and go buy a new one.

It”s time for Petrino to leave.

If he can”t get this LSU gig, college football”s elite and established programs might begin wondering what”s wrong with him, knowing that he goes after all the top jobs and seemingly has the credentials. If he can”t get this gig, his integrity becomes a greater concern for future schools that have interest.

If he can”t get this gig, Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich should give Petrino another raise. And less than a week later, he should fire him. Ben Stiller couldn”t create a funnier scenario.

Not my kind of guy

But Jurich wouldn”t do it. Petrino might be the most gifted UofL football coach ever. Keeping Petrino could mean a Bowl Championship Series bowl as early as next season. Petrino will have to slip — no, slither — away from here.

“I”ve always said I”d rather have people want my coaches than not want them,” Jurich said in early December after Petrino released a statement saying he was staying here and ending all job speculation.

I”ve always said I”d rather report on people with integrity.

Petrino wants to flee. Let him go.

Change the locks in case he tries to return.

Bitter, no? Somebody needs to tell the folks in Louisville that their gig isn”t the best in the world. I guess this guy would rather have a mediocre coach and program so there”s no chance he”d leave.

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