‘Twas the day of the presser

A poem for you, in the spirit of Christmas:

“Twas two days before Christmas, by Cap”n Ken

“Twas two days before Chrismas, when all through the bayou,
Not a Tiger fan was stirring; they wouldn”t know how to.
Google News was reloaded in the browser with fear,
Dreading the word that St. Nick would no longer be there

The Tigers had twisted and turned in their beds,
While visions of Butch Davis (or Kirk Ferentz) invaded their heads;
And Bertman in his suit and that NASA guy in his new LSU cap,
Had just begun thinking of coaches to tap,

When out of the Athletic Administration building there arose such a clatter,
The Baton Rouge media sprang from their desks to see what was the matter.
Away to the presser they flew like a flash,
Tore open their notebooks, words ready to hash.

The lights on the podium all around the room,
Gave a lustre of brightness amidst all the doom,
When, who to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a smallish man in the turtleneck he wears all year,

With his Fonzie hairdo and clothes that were slick,
We knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his decision it came,
And he shouted the words attached to his name;

“Now, Dolphins they want me, they chase me with vigor!
They held out a few days so they could interview Art Shell!
The trash man will give me the ultimate power!
And here it is now, the anxious decision hour!”

And then, in a twinkling, we hear from his lips,
The decision he”d made, after many men”s tips.
As we held onto our breath and were ready to cry,
We saw a smile come across the face of this guy.

His eyes – how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
Surely the words he”d be speaking weren”t scary!
We leaned closer to hear what St. Nick he would say,
Nobody in America believed he would stay.

He blurted the words, to the press gave the news,
Driving WBRZ viewership and Google News views,
“I”m staying a Tiger, I love a good fight,”
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!”

[editor"s note: of course, this is all wishful thinking. And sorry if it"s a bit sloppy; I had to rush it out before any announcement comes.]

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