I have seen the error of my ways, and I give myself to thee, Great Christian Protector. I once was lost, but now am found.
No longer shall I bathe in the sin of whiskey. My house of worship shall no longer be Tiger Stadium, but a suitable Christian sanctuary.
My thoughts shall focus on you, Great Christian Protector, not harlots who create unholy sexual advice columns. My nights shall be filled with spirtual contemplation, not GTA San Andreas.
Never again shall I denegrate fine Christian hair-styling establishments, wonderful sons of God playing baseball with Christ”s guidance or attorneys working to dissolve unholy marriages with Jesus” blessing.
No more shall I question the wisdom of your blessed agents at LAX. Nor shall I sinfully lust after obscure Australian musicians or pop-culture television commentators.
I do this in the hope, Great Christian Protector, that you will offer your blessing and protection in this glorious new day.
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