Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

I haven”t done this in a while, but some recent search queries bringing folks to The Wisdom are too good not to answer.

• how to make starbucks pumpkin scones - 1) Find a Starbucks; 2) Ask for a Pumpkin Scone; 3) Pay the person at the counter. Come on, people, they”re like $1.85 or something. NOTE: You may have to visit several Starbucks to actually find a Pumpkin Scone. Fortunately, there should be at least 10 Starbucks within a mile of where you are right now.

• Debra Lafave - Has she become a hot topic again? The Wisdom is being overrun with visits from people seeking the hot, student-doing teacher. I”d still do her.

• Nick Saban - Yes, he”ll be talked about as a NFL coach. No, he”s still not Jewish, and yes, he”s still sexy.

• barbie is a tribute to whom or inspires from which - My, what good grammar. But might I suggest a more direct approach. Perhaps +barbie +named +after at Google will return your desired result.

• pivik “mad cow” - For the record, I have never referred to Jessica Pivik as a “mad cow” or as a “troutmouth” (that was another blog). I prefer “untalented J-school student”.

The consumers among you no doubt realize last Friday was “Black Friday” - the infamous shopping frenzy that is the day after Thanksgiving.

TV news was filled with images of people lined up outside Wal-Mart at 5 a.m. and crowds mobbing displays of discount DVD players to snap up the deals. And from Saturday on, the commentary has been consistent: “Why do people go through all this just to shop?”

The talking heads seem mystified. “Some people just love to shop”, “It takes the boredom out of Thanksgiving” and “People get pressured to go by family members” were the theories put out on CNN this morning.

Clearly the media doesn”t understand.

Why did all those people line up before sunrise and fight for $18 DVD players? Because they had to.

For a lot of American families - maybe moreso those “Red State” families - inconvenience is an economic reality. To give their kids a “good” Christmas, they have to stretch their dollars and find the biggest deals. And those deals happen when Wal-Mart”s doors open on Black Friday.

An $18 DVD player is a major score. Little Johnny won”t get one if it costs $68. If the family wants to get a PC, they have little choice but to line up at 5 a.m. to get the $349 one.

And it”s not just at Christmas. These people are the ones who only buy food they have coupons for. They are first in line for back-to-school sales to save $1 on a pack of pencils. They buy clothes at Wal-Mart.

I”m not one of these people. Never have been. I grew up spoiled and was beyond the “new shoes every month” stage when I got poor. I”m a bargain shopper, but my idea of a good deal is a $10 Gap shirt or $50 Kenneth Cole shoes.

But I can empathize with people who struggle to provide a “normal” life for their kids and themselves. They aren”t poor, but the comforts of modern life are a luxury at full retail price.

What”s interesting is how clueless the media seems to be to this reality. Pretty much by definition, people on TV don”t fit the profile of 5 a.m. Black Friday shoppers. But are they so detatched that they don”t understand the reality of these other American families?

And is this typical of “Blue State” attitudes? These types love to mock Wal-Mart shoppers and make fun of people who”s idea of a night out is dinner at Ryan”s Family Steak House.

But do they really not understand why “Red State” America is the way it is? It would seem pretty hard to win their votes if you don”t …

I have a mental list of questions I always want to ask people who say they are Christians. It”s essentially a test of logic. If someone professes to believe something but their actions or specific beliefs contradict the larger doctrine, my opinion is that they are not actually believers.

But this post isn”t about Christianity. It”s about the TSA.

When the stories came out yesterday about women objecting to being felt up at airport security, I hoped it would spur some actual debate over whether these kinds of “security” measures actually make air travel any safer. That doesn”t seem to be happening.

On CNN this morning, Soledad O”Brien interviewed one of the women who”s considering a lawsuit against the TSA. The woman described the “breast-exam” patdowns as “another erosion of our rights in the name of airline security.”

Soledad responded with the typical “yeah, but don”t you want to be safe?” kind of reasoning. And that”s where the debate usually ends.

So I”m working on a logic test for people who believe our post-9/11 airport security measures make us “safer”. But first, I need to find out who believes this.

And while my bits on the TSA and airline security rarely ever draw any comments (or, I have to assume, any reader interest), please take a minute to drop a Wisecrack if you do believe - even a little - that the TSA is making America safer. Or feel free to ignore this altogether and await my piece on our switch from Charmin to Cottonelle.

Lest you forget, this is the reality of airport “security” in the U.S.:

It seems some women are getting tired of being groped in the name of “security”. Good for them.

Loyal readers of The Wisdom will notice that both my place and the wife”s shop have gone update-less since last Wednesday. I”ll leave it up to her if she wants to fill the world in on what was up, but suffice it to say we had a sudden change of plans.

I didn”t end up making my fourth LSU game (I guess that means the wife has to let me do five next year), but I did get to see the TigerVision broadcast from the official view-in home of the LSU Alumni Nashville Chapter. Apparently there are two Tiger alums in NashVegas.

But in true small-world fashion, I ended up watching the game with a couple of guys who also should have been in Baton Rouge but ended up in Nashville for the same kind of thing I was there for. And, as it turns out, they are part of the same tailgate group I would have been hanging out with. So I should have met them out back of CEBA, but I ended up meeting them on Music Row. Odd world, ain”t it?

In related news, it seems Auburn didn”t impress the humans this week, despite really dominating the nation”s best defense the same week Oklahoma beat down a horrible Baylor team. But 35-0 looks better than 21-13 to humans (computers can see through it …). I still don”t think Auburn would have a shot in a computer-driven BCS (I re-ran my numbers last night), but maybe the humans will have a change of heart when the Tigers play No. 15 Tennessee in the SEC Championship the same day Oklahoma plays a 7-4 Iowa State. We”ll see.

And, sports fans, don”t discount the idea that USC could lose before the end of the season. They play Notre Dame this weekend, and the Irish may be better than their 6-4 record would imply. Then the Trojans have to close it out with UCLA. And you have to question USC”s focus when they have Snoop Dogg hanging out at practice.

Finally this morning, Jessica Pivik is back (but not linked from the Reveille homepage) today, and thankfully she doesn”t want to be a porn star. She also makes a point to say she”s not encouraging others to do so. Thanks.

Whatever happened to TiVo being the champion of personal freedom and choice in television viewing?

Apparently the company is rolling out a “feature” that will insert ads on the screen when you are fast-forwarding (through commercials, most likely).

TiVo is also looking at ways to enable eCommerce through your TV and generally squeeze as much revenue as possible out of users. I don”t have a problem with features that don”t interfere with regular viewing, but inserting commercials into the dead space of subscribers skipping commercials is downright anti-customer.

And people pay TiVo $13 a month?

Thank you, Dish Network.