Cap’n Ken’s Homespun Wisdom

The wife and I braved a swarm of costumed, underage, commercial radio listeners last night in order to see Jet live. The dirty Aussie lads have played precious few gigs in the U.S. this year, so the 99X Halloween show was our only sure shot to see them.

If you don”t know Jet - they are some serious rockin” mofos. And herein lies my problem with the show last night. Somebody turned down the volume.

We were standing about 10 yards from a serious speaker stack, but we were not rocked. It was more like being at an American Bandstand taping than a rock-n-roll show.

In my mind, there are some basic truths of live rock-n-roll (I”m talking real rock. Green Day, not Ashlee Simpson for you radio fans):

• Standing right next to a speaker stack will be uncomfortable for all but the most hardcore fans.

• Sensitive ponytail guys (OK, not many sensitive men have ponytails anymore, but you know who I”m talking about) will use the foam earplugs they carry around when they see live music.

• At least one pair of young girls who start the show near the stage will head quickly toward the back with their hands over their ears.

• When the bass player pounds hard on a naked E, your teeth will rattle.

• When the singer screams, it will hurt you.

• If the band happens to have a song most of the audience knows, never will the audience singing be heard over the band.

• When you leave the show, your ears are ringing.

• When you wake up the next morning, your ears are ringing.

None of this was true of the show last night. And these truths should apply to Jet, and to The Donnas, who opened up for them.

So what”s the deal? I have a couple of theories:

• Either the station or the venue (The Tabernacle) is worried about lawsuits for damaged hearing, especially with an all-ages show.

• Like most things in America today, modern-day mass-market live “rock” is a wussified version of what it used to be. In other words, most people who go to these shows want the volume turned down.

• Maybe the sound just sucked.

I don”t know the answer, and fortunately Jet is a very rare example of a popular band I”d actually want to see live.

But last night”s show makes me hope Rocket From The Crypt gets back on the road soon. After their Echo Lounge show a couple of years ago, I couldn”t hear myself think for a month.

I”d never really noticed the little area of Tiger Stadium”s student section where everybody sits down during the game. But my buddy Scott pointed it out during the Troy game last weekend.

Sure enough, while almost all of the student section (the northwest part of the stadium) is a stand-on-the-bleachers-the-whole-game kind of place, there was a little patch in the back of the endzone where everybody sat quietly.

And almost all the students there were black.

The Reveille has a front page piece on the sit-down section today. Of course, in typical “save the world” college journalism fashion, the story plays up the racial aspects of black students who sit getting mad at white students who stand.

One part of the piece mentions the “white” state trooper who tells a “white” student to sit down. I”m not sure of the point of that, and other cops referenced in the piece are not racially identified.

Anyway, two points of Wisdom to raise here:

1) If this area is historically the “sit-down” section, don”t be a jackass. If you don”t want to sit, just move. They are always in this specific area, and they always sit. Again, don”t be a jackass.

2) What”s with these black students wanting to sit at LSU football games? Are they all just really lame and happen to share the same skin pigment? There are plenty of black students who occupy the regular standing sections, so maybe it”s a black fraternity / sorority kind of thing. A lot of white frat boys dress up to go to games, and I think that”s pretty stupid, too.

It would have been nice if The Reveille had tried to explain the appeal of sitting, rather than just implying that the stadium is “segregated” because black students have always sat there. But that”s probabl too much to ask from Jessica”s bosses.

So there”s this new CDC study out today that compares the average height and weight of Americans in 1960 to those in 2002.

Of course, Americans are much fatter and only a little taller now. But here”s the stat that really floored me:

The average American woman is 5″4″ and weighs 164 pounds.

Damn! Since when did Star Jones become the standard-issue American woman?

I know you ladies all weigh more than it looks like you do. And 164 pounds isn”t really “big” if you”re like 5″7″ or taller. What matters is how you carry the weight, not the number of pounds you”re displacing. And constantly seeing models who are 5″10″ and weigh 125 pounds makes you all think you”re fat.

But 5″4″, 164 is the average? That”s wild.

[editor"s note: Cap"n Ken does not actually think you girls are fat. The sensational headline on this piece is intended solely to sell more papers.]

The wife and I busted the seal on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas last night, and as she mentioned, Lieberman is going to freak.

With about two hours of gameplay under my belt, I”ve discovered the following:

• The dialogue (Samuel Jackson is among the voice talent) goes way out of its way to drop F-bombs whenever possible.

• The soundtrack features every rap song ever released that has F-bombs in it.

• It”s much easier and more fun to kill people in San Andreas.

• A “pimping” mission has been added.

• Hidden in the bathroom of one of the police stations is a huge, purple, two-headed dildo.

So here”s my prediction - after the election is done (which could be mid-December considering this “provisional ballot” nonsense), Lieberman will come down hard on the language and violence, and Jesse Jackson will decry the portrayal of African-Americans in the game.

And it”ll sell twice as many copies as Vice City.

Back up the U-Haul, friend. The Wisdom is moving.

That”s right. The Wisdom has a new home:

http://www.capnken.com/wisdom

Why the move? Well … why not? I”ve got a better chance of achieving my goal of world domination if I”m publishing at my own URL, right?

You”ll notice that The New Wisdom is living under its own directory (/wisdom/), so you would be correct to infer that capnken.com may eventually host more than just The Wisdom. What else might that be? Dunno, exactly, but it gives me room to play.

So what, loyal Wisdom reader, does this move mean to you?

Well, first of all, it means you should start reading The Wisdom at http://www.capnken.com/wisdom. The entire Wisdom archive is mirrored there now, and during this transitional period, I”ll be posting everything in both places.

If you feel moved to comment on a post, I”d recommend commenting at the new place, as ultimately the old site comments will disappear.

Second, if you monitor The Wisdom”s RSS feed (and you should), the new feed is http://feeds.feedburner.com/wisdom. So update that in your RSS reader.

Third, if you are kind enough to link to The Wisdom, please update your link to http://www.capnken.com/wisdom.

I don”t have a specific timetable for killing The Wisdom”s Blogger site, as I hope to ramp up links to the new home before I cut off the gravy train of Pivik and Charmin Bear traffic here. But I”ll continue to remind y”all of the move and give subtle little hints (like removing comments) for those of you who continue to hang around.

Thank you for your continued support.

I had another moment of clarity about Jessica Pivik in reading her latest column (which the Reveille had the good sense not to link to) today.

I think she takes herself seriously.

Jessica may actually believe her column is important and helps LSU students (who don”t know what Google is) understand the important sexual issues of the day. I hadn”t realized that before.

But she closes this week”s Googlefest with the line “I hope I informed those who are curious about [subject removed] with facts that help them make an appropriate decision that??s right for them.”

And over the past few weeks, Jessica”s “shocking” Carrie Bradshaw ripoff lines have given way to stats, (stolen) quotes from experts and detailed instructions.

Perhaps her “fame” has gone to her head, and - just like Dr. Phil - she fancies herself an expert because of it.

Or maybe she just ran out of Carrie lines and had to come up with a different angle.

This week”s Pivik: read it yourself