Cap’n Ken answers your search questions

It”s been a while since I opened up the old Search Bag and took at look at who”s finding The Wisdom. And now that the Janet Jackson Super Bowl searching has died down (and I didn”t even write about her tit!), here”s the latest batch of terms showing up:

airport patdown attractive – Well, if you”re in to that kind of thing, I guess. Personally I don”t find much attractive about the airport patdowns nor the people doing said pats.

apartments around LSU – Back in my LSU days (circa 1987), the apartments around campus were mostly shitholes. TCL, Lee Barbier, Stinky and myself shared a 4-bedroom place that went for $485 a month and we thought we were freaking Kings of the Campus. When I drive by that place (on Alvin Dark, if you”re interested) I think “man, what a dump.” And that was the nicest place I lived in college. The worst place I lived was probably the apartment Lee and I moved in to after the Big Apartment Coalition broke up (TCL got a girlfriend, Stinky left and stuck us with Chip the Momma”s Boy). My last semesters in college were spent with Dave at a place on Oxford Street which went for $165 a month. It was pretty much a slum, but it was full of like-minded poor college kids and our favorite basketball court was a quick walk across the cemetery. Dave”s brother had found the apartment a few years earlier, and it was handed down through friends and family. I think a friend of Dave”s still lives there. Nowadays they”re building super-fly apartments all around LSU. Hell, they even opened some livable dorms after we graduated.

wine tasting liberal hippie – That reminds me of a great story from my pal Dave. Back in college, some friends of his “grew up” and decided they were wine lovers. They arranged a “wine tasting party” to which everyone was supposed to bring a nice bottle of wine for the group to taste and comment upon. Dave, hating this whole notion, went to Albertson”s and bought the cheapest bottle of red he could find. He also, however, found a really, really expensive bottle of French wine and took note of the label design. Then he went home and re-created the “fancy” label – going so far as to char the edges to give it that “old world” look. He took the old label off, put his new one on, went to the party and put the bottle down on the wine-tasting table. I think you may see where this is going … Of course these “wine connoisseurs” all raved about Dave”s rock-gut wine with the fancy label. Being that the party was arranged by his good friend”s girlfriend, he never spilled the beans about his gag. But I say well done!

coffee grits radial angel – I”m sorry, I can”t help you.

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